also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
