Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
