try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
