peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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