Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
