Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
