what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
