so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
