I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
Randomize
