dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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