What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Randomize
