i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
