those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Randomize
