Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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