We won't sleep together?
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize
