How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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