This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
