i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
