I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
