I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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