Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
We are all done wearing pants today
Randomize
