So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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