how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Randomize
