The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Randomize
