the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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