I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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