your parents love me but you hate me
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
I forgot how hot balto sounded
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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