oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
