fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
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