She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
