So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
