when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
