I'm pants shitting drunk right now
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Randomize
