Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
