Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Randomize
