my phone cant type all the emotion im having
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
