Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
