R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
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