it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Semen is not good for contacts.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
