I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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