Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Randomize
