How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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