At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
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