I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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