she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
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