he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
