I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
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