How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
