I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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