Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Your cock deserves a montage
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
