in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
