I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I love you. Go after that dick
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Randomize
