In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
