theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
