FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
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