he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
The air taste purple.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
