I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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