this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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