I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
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