forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
