i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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