I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Randomize
