p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Lo siento on account of my penis...
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize