he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
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