yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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