we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
