Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
