Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
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