just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Damn victory sex feels great
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Randomize
