based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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