I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
